Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Fit mama

After the birth of my three older children, getting back to my pre-pregnancy weight became harder and harder each subsequent pregnancy - ESPECIALLY with my third child, Chloe. 
That pregnancy I gained over 60 pounds....
Yes you heard me...
over 60 whopping pounds.
There are many reasons why...
My husband was in school full time and working two jobs - thus being ALONE with two toddlers
I was suffering from depression
I ate horrible and the fact that Keith worked at Red Robin as the serving manager did NOT help one bit...can you say tower of onion rings?!?
My back hurt from a car accident and the birth of my son, making me physically hurt all over during my pregnancy
and I will end the the list there...
It was a dark period of my life!
I do not like to talk about it because well who honestly likes to go back and revisit the past, especially when it was a really hard time to overcome physically, emotionally and psychologically.
When I was a teenager I was diagnosed with Anorexia and that played a major roll in why I was depressed. For the rest of my life, I will suffer from Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I do not see my body the way others see me. I tend to view myself as fat, unattractive and  not the beautiful woman I know my husband sees.By no means am I a super model but every day I struggle to fight the negative thoughts of how ugly I am or what could be better about my body. 
This may sound very self absorbed but it is not.
It is something that is very real for hundreds of women.
And MANY go their about their WHOLE lives without realizing they have it.
I was lucky.
My parents got me help and a wonderful therapist who helped me see that this was not normal.
I saw that what I was doing to myself was self destructive, shielding me away from the true beautiful of daughter of God who was in the reflection of the mirror. I wasn't able to see or grow my true potential until I realized what I had. And many women never do. They end up berating themselves their whole lives - wasting it and never being happy with the woman in the mirror.
Today I am happy.
I know that I am a beautiful and virtuous daughter of God.
My body is a temple in which I have the utmost respect for in all that it can do. I have given birth to four BEAUTIFUL children. I have run marathons. I have overcome illness. I have the ability to go about my daily life with energy to reach for my dreams.
I have been blessed with health especially this last pregnancy. I entered it being in the best shape of my life and a healthy frame of mind spiritually and psychologically. I know that is because of My Savior, Jesus Christ. He helped me these last few years over come many of my old demons to focus on what I needed to learn. He loves me enough that when I have done all that I can do, he finishes the rest. And I felt that these last few months.
 I was blessed with health and have recovered from pregnancy well. 
I feel amazing and have felt so BLESSED to have this blessing in  my life.
I am a healthy mama who has four wonderful children and loves having the energy, charisma, and stamina to do so.


1 comment:

Kimberly said...

You are BEAUTIFUL!! Thank you for sharing your story.


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